Lady what??

I have copped a feel of a transvestites boob . . . Just one more thing to put on my life list under the “unexpected” category.

The unwarranted sexual experience happened at about 10 p.m. Saturday night in Patong, the centre of nightlife in Phuket. They call it the “Devil’s Paradise” around here. Imagine flashing flights, scantlily clad women everywhere, the scent of sewage and cheap beer, blasting music, and people handing out pamphlets of questionable content yelling out “Ping Pong show?” (hint: that show is not of the table tennis variety)

I went out with some girls from work who said they would show me a good time. We stuck to Bangla road, the heart of all the madness. We were walking around and that’s when I saw them: a huge group of provocatively dressed women parading down the street. Jeab and Gem asked me: “Do you think those are women or men?” Umm…women??? Wait no…are those girls what I think they are? They can’t be….are those LADYBOYS?!

Ladyboys are Thai men who have decided to live as a woman. I thought it was just men who have undergone a sex change, but it actually encompasses men who like to dress up in drag to the ones who choose to go under the knife. The ones I met MUST have had surgery because they were actually quite beautiful! Almost no hint of masculinity…well there were some small hints.

I was standing in absolute awe as they danced around trying to get the tourists’ attention. I still was not 100 per cent sure if they were indeed ladyboys because Jeab and Gem would not come right out and tell me. “You tell us!”, they kept saying. Then a woman in an elegant white gown came up to me.

“You want picture? You come!”. The voice was a dead giveaway. That is DEFINITELY a man.

She dragged me over by the arm to her other ladyboy friend dressed in a very revealing red and black corset and black fedora. Just then, the one on my left grabbed my hand and put it on her boob. No hesitation. AHH! Well, now I know what implants feel like.

The pictures taken after this moment were quite hilarious as I tried to avoid caressing her chest again. I actually wish the girls had taken a picture while I made the grab because the look on my face would have been priceless!

Ladyboys, also known as Kathoey’s, are actually very well-accepted in Thailand. I read on a website that there are probably about 200,000 in the country. Some of them work in bars, others in the sex trade, and some are just normal people working in restaurants and beauty salons. Buddhism, the main religion in Thailand, encourages tolerance, which explains why Ladyboys and homosexuals can be open about who they are. That’s not to say there isn’t any discrimination, but it is still a very open society. Absolute fascinating. We could learn a thing or two about acceptance from Ladyboys.

Who knew a chest grab could turn out to be a cultural learning experience!